I saw this kit (made by Pebbles, Inc.) and Sage convinced me to buy it. It's a fun way to countdown the day Kade will come home. All the letters have a countdown number where the sticker dots are placed. (There's also one for female missionaries.) I got the stickers out today and put them on the 31 days he's been gone. Hmmm--I just don't think this is going to work for me for a while. Looking forward it looks like a long time and made me feel kinda blue. But--stinkin' cute concept I'll resume in about a year!
Then I went up to Kade's room and made the mistake of opening his closet. "His" smell is still on some of his clothes--a combination of cologne, deodorant and probably a little sweat.
Then I made the mistake of listening to one of my favorite CDs by my pal and fellow scrapbooker, Hilary Weeks, called "
If I Only Had Today."
Here are the lyrics to the song "If I Only Had Today":
It seems like I've watched a million sunsets
And stared at a thousand full moons.
Sometimes it feels like I've been here forever
And sometimes it all feels brand new.
I could never count the heartbeats
From the day I was born until now.
But not a single one goes unnoticed
By Him who breathes life in me somehow.
But if there were no more tomorrows
If I knew that I could not stay.
I know how I'd spend every moment
If only I had today.
I'd hold you and listen
And I'd let the dishes sit in the sink.
I'd tell you I loved you over and over
And for once I'd just let the phone ring.
The I'd remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.
I'd wake up before the sun did
And I'd watch as you quietly sleep.
I'd pray for time to move slowly
Knowing the moment won't keep.
All the gifts that Heaven has given
Every blessing that's come my way.
Wouldn't mean anything without you
So if I only had today.
I'd hold you and listen
I'd memorize every detail of you face.
I'd tell you I loved you over and over
I wouldn't let excuses get in the way.
Then I'd remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.
There's no time like the present.
Life doesn't come with any guarantees.
The sun will set and time won't wait
So while I have today:
I'll hold you and listen
And I'd let the dishes sit in the sink.
I'll tell you I loved you over and over
And for once I'll just let the phone ring.
The I'll remind you of forever
And how our love would never change.
If I only had today.
The only recording I could find on the internet was from a funeral that Hilary recently sang this song at. You can go
here to hear the song.
Okay--so after all these "I shouldn't haves" today, I was feeling a little down about Kade being gone for so long. But then I realized the last verse goes to the present--"I'll" rather than "I'd" in the previous verses. Although Kade isn't here for the next two years and yes I do miss him, I do still have three other kids who I'll let the dishes sit in the sink for and I'll let the phone ring while I'm engaged in activities with them. It was a good reminder that we do have today and lucky for me I still have three other children at home!
Hope you're living in the now and enjoying today rather what was or could have been.
Happy Weekend!
Lisa
P.S. If you have or soon will have a missionary "in the field", do I ever have the neatest idea for you! It's a super fun thing I'm doing for Kade that I thought of during a sleepless night. Leave your e-mail address on a comment on this post and I'll share this cool idea with you at the first of next week!